So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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