When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
