My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Randomize
