I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
