moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
