Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
