I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
