I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
