what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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