Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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