i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I have surprise drugs for everyone
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Randomize
