Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
no, he came in my armpit
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
