He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
