I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
