Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
