If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
