I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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