I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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