I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
