I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
