You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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