6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
