no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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