Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
