and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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