They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
