I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
