I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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