please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
