Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
