OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
You left your phone here
Wait...
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