Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
