Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
well most of my day revolves around power hour
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
no you cant smoke seaweed
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
