feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
