Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
