my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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