i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
