there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
