The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize