My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
