It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize