Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
