i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
