I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
did i walk over a car last night?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
