you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
