Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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