I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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