This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
