I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
