I just pynch a tree in the face
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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