Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
