New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
