my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
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