half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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