I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
