I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
