I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
