It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
