Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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