Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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