I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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