he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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