Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
