Me. At least after what I've been through.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Randomize
