Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
