A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize