Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
