Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Randomize
