Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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