Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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