I just saw a hot homeless man
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
