summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
